Monthly Archives: February 2014

I can do “angry” really well….

Standard

I have recently come to realize a lot of things about myself. My life is a series of learning opportunities. Some I pay attention to, some I do not. Recently it has come to my attention that anger is something that I have used to escape for a very long time. Anger is more powerful than any substance I have ever used, any place I have been, or any person I have ever know. Anger has changed my environment, and has always produced results. At least it has for me. The only down side, as it has recently become more apparent to me, is that it produces the exact opposite of what I was hoping to accomplish in the first place. As an example, I offer a personal battle that I have had many times in my marriage. Let me draw you in to the familiar scene. My husband wants to go out for the evening with his friends. I swiftly proceed to give massive amounts of attitude because I am angry that he is choosing to go out with his friends instead of choosing to spend some quality time with me…. yes me, who is now acting like the Ice Queen and expecting that this will make him change his mind. What does my behaviour reinforce? Only how much more fun my husband would have with his friends because I am acting like a stone cold female dog. So what has this scene proven? That acting out in anger only creates the negative consequences that I fear to begin with. It distances me from people, it keeps me completely self-centred and victimized, and it serves me in no way what-so-ever.
My best friend and I have always joked about our anger. We always have said that we could be the Founder, President and CEO of the “Angry Little Girls Club”. I think in joking about this, I was sitting comfortably in denial about just how destructive a force it was becoming in my life, thus never really needing to do anything about it. I don’t want to be known by anyone-especially my Husband and my Children- as the Ice Queen, or a stone cold female dog.
So I have dropped the rock, so to speak. Let go of the weight that I have been slowly drowning myself with. It doesn’t serve me, and it does not help me to live a life of serving the people in my life that I love so deeply.
I am beyond astounded at the lessons that life continues to hand me. I am beyond grateful that I have the presence of mind to see the lesson and the willingness to change. Today.
That’s Me.

Advertisements